“Few societies in history have managed to create the illusion that death is an option . . . such is America’s naivete about mortality which is fed by an unqualified confidence in science.” Carl Jung, Memoirs on Visiting America 1942
More than 75 years ago, this observation about how we hold death is sadly still true. Our denial of death and our medicalization of the dying process still is deeply entrenched in our society.
We tend to think that death happens to OTHER people and that somehow, someway, we will be the ones to outsmart it. I look at death as the last taboo. Over the years, society has brought forward discussions about topics that were previously mentioned only in hushed whispers to our intimates if they were uttered at all. Cancer, alcoholism, child abuse, domestic violence, sexuality- these are all subjects that in the past were relegated to the closet of Do Not Discuss! Then a brave person would muster the courage to shed light on a personal truth. Think about what Betty Ford did for breast cancer and alcoholism. The uptick in mammograms and the treatment centers in her name reflect that her courage allowed others to open their closet of secrecy and shine a light on what was once hidden in shame.
The AIDS crisis that swept this country and sadly much of the world in the late part of the 20th Century required our society to begin talking about topics that made us uncomfortable. IV drug use, sex practices, and an epidemic death sentence to thousands forced us to look at death of young people, even babies, because of our modern-day plague. It was the beginning of facing death and the group ACT UP coined the phrase Silence Equals Death to point out that we could no longer ignore talking about the disease and its impact. Then mercifully a “cocktail” of pharmaceutical miracles changed the game, and people could live with HIV and not be automatically condemned to die with the diagnosis. We went back into silence because it is more comfortable.
It took another worldwide pandemic, COVID 19, to again wake us up to the fact that death is indiscriminate and will ultimately be everyone’s destiny. The whole world stopped, and life forever changed. In the United States alone, more than one million people died. Once vaccines were created and treatments were discovered, it is as if we just went back to sleep about how death is a part of every life.
The denial of death is pervasive, and we have a collective conspiracy of silence- a tacit agreement not to talk about death and dying in polite company. Death is taboo. It is my premise that this is so for one reason. Unlike cancer, mental illness, child abuse or whatever charged and feared topic might be in an individual’s emotional and psychological closet- death is unique. Death is the skeleton hanging in everyone’s closet! Open the door and there it is. Our collective response is to slam the door shut and pretend we are safe until something happens that demands that we admit what we all already know. Our time is finite and our ending on the planet as a human is a certainty.
In denying death, we also deny grief. We are a grief illiterate society, and no one has taught us how to handle the pain of our own broken hearts or to bear witness to that of another. This, too, must change. Everyone is carrying individual and collective grief which is also grossly ignored. We must learn to tend to the wounds for healing. It is imperative.
It is my intention to encourage us to look at death not as the topic of ultimate denial but as the most important sacred teacher that we all share. Realizing that in truth I walk with the possibility of dying today does not make me a morbid or frightened individual. On the contrary, knowing that I do not know how much time I have left on the planet and being conscious of that fact, allows me to savor every moment as precious and take no one or no thing for granted. It is a viewpoint I continue to cultivate. I hope as you read this blog you will be encouraged to do so as well..
